I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”


you’re so cute I just wanna hug you and kiss you and cuddle with you and also fuck you but hey man it’s whatever

  • My thoughts before anything:maybe if i wasn't ugly


Girl on a Red Carpet, Felice Casorati, 1912.
Anonymous asked: how often do you masturbate
positive-emoceans replied:


why would i need to touch myself when i’m touched by the lord every day amen


George RR Martin: master of literature…
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